Every Breath You Take
Every move you make
Every covenant you break
Every step you take
I will watch you
(… and every wellness app you’ve ever downloaded …)
To all of the wellness apps I’ve loved before … it’s time for us to part. It’s not me, it’s you.
It’s no secret that Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok have raised our inherently self-critical nature to 24, with 24-hour FOMO and a never-ending competition with the airbrushed perfection of pseudo-celebrities getting thinner, hotter and be hotter have more followers than we are constantly within reach. (Remember 2005 when our phones were just calling people and we had to flip through a glossy magazine to feel bad about our cellulite?) Those were the days …
Today we live in a society obsessed with ratios, numbers and algorithms in which we are asked to evaluate every meal, every shopping experience and every virtual interaction. Truth: We are judged. As with punishment, we ask (no, beg!) Every time we tune into our apps to get a rating … including the supposedly wellness-centric ones that affect our oxygen levels, hydration, calories, and sleep follow.
Has the socially recognized pursuit of eternal youth and beauty become an animal of persecution?
I see you Naom. It is my mind that makes me fat and only you can help. (Spoken like a psychiatrist or a cult leader – I’m guessing you’re a bit of both.)
And My FitnessPal, you are the curious friend who wants to have all the details on everything I put in my mouth all the time. Get a life.
I don’t identify with being blessed because I’m constantly stressed now.
I can’t be the limp, spiritually centered baby that you want me to be. And I can’t follow 50 new Instafit influencers to show myself how hot I am. I’m taking my energy back, or at least my iPhone. Your wellness apps don’t give me all the feelings anymore. Thanks U, Next.
And no, I don’t need an açai bowl or any other meditation app to calm the fuck down. (Though I love the Calm app. No judgment.) In fact … there are a lot of inspirational apps out there that are only good for good vibes, and I’m here for them that way. But for the rest of you? Time is up for all of your competitive beauty and wellness app crap. All the doctrine that you spit out through constant reviews, questionnaires, and notifications is more exhausting than a needy friend.
Your #fitspo is a big #shitshow.
The #metoo movement made us rethink the male gaze and enabled us to say, “I’m not comfortable with it.” It’s time to do the same with the gaze of the machine, which feels equally inappropriate and intrusive.
Machines are constantly watching us, and worse, they let us know that they don’t like what they see. It’s like living in a never-ending episode of Black Mirror, but that mirror on the virtual wall is judging us and guess what? We’re not the prettiest of them all. I am with you, Beauty Meter, and you are the ugly stepsister. How dare you rate my face In this broken fairy tale, we took a bite out of a poisoned Apple Watch and went into the stupor to let the wicked witch of wellbeing haunt us every waking moment.
Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho, we’re off to training, we’re going! Regardless of how many steps we take or what steps we take, we will never get into the enchanted land if we are ashamed to put more effort into achieving fictional feminine perfection. Online at two in the morning, Doom flips through endless fitness feeds that have to be seen to use our likes and emojis to vote on who has the best booty. FaceTune, you poseur. I like my face IRL.
The truth about the pressure of all of these beauty wellness apps is this: I’m not a Kardashian. I don’t need corset training. I don’t always have to be camera ready. The only camera following me is you, wellness app, and honestly I don’t need the pressure. You watch me when i sleep, you watch me when i am awake. They track every step, my heartbeat, my body fat percentage. They are a lifelong film waiting to be happened. Tracked by my ex-fitness app.
I celebrate and believe in science, but I am not your science experiment. I’m turned off and now I’m turning you off. I’m kind of digging into the fact that I’m not perfect. What I am is a wellness work in progress and that is great for me.
And no, I don’t need an app for that.
Based on bio-authority
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